wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
