Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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