I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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