shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
