I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.