the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo