One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
