I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
