those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants