dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.