this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
