Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
