fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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