Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
