I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
