Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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