it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
