Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
