I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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