I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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