why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
