How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
