I just made out with a guy for $7.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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