I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
