Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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