dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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