my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
