It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My life is pants optional.
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