I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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