Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
