haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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