I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
