so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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