So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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