he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
