We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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