my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
