I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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