I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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