I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
