Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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