I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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