so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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