i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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