Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
