took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize