We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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