At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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