absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
