The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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