OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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