Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
