people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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