You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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