is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
