she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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