If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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