what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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