i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
