this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize