I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
