your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
