Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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