you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
