then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
