Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
