history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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