I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
