a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
