He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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