I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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