I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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