sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
