Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
