we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
