Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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