hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The uberlube is also flammable
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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