Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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