There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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