Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
