i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
