i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
