I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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