I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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