Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
