I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
