There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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